Buddy (9/30/16)

I've started this blog so many times. There are a million thoughts in my head, but my fingers won't type them. Friday September 30th was going along fine. We were all excited for the weekend and ready to relax. Around 5:00pm we all loaded up in the van, including Buddy, to go pick up dinner. He was so excited to go and it was a treat for him when I let him make a quick trip with us. We got back home and ate dinner. Buddy ate too, just as he did every single time. Seriously, Buddy always ate at the same time we did. Afterwards, I let him outside. He went to the bathroom and then laid down on the patio as he has done a million times. I gave him a few minutes and then called him to go inside. He didn't move. Called again. He didn't budge. Called again. His eyes looked at me, but no movement. At that moment, I knew something terrible was wrong. I went and got a treat, which always got his attention. He wasn't interested. I called Blake to see where he was on his way home. He was about an hour away. I called the on-call vet, who said to take Buddy to the ER. 

I tried to stay calm for the girls sake. I didn't want them to be alarmed. I sat there for a minute on the patio with him trying to figure out how to move him to the van. He was 46 solid pounds and if there was something internal going on I didn't want to make it worse or hurt him. I called my friend and she was here in less than 5 minutes. She helped me load Buddy in the van and then took the girls to her house. Blake and I arrived at the ER at the same time. The ER staff was waiting for us and immediately took Buddy in to be checked. A tumor had ruptured and Buddy was bleeding internally. The vet explained the type of cancer was very aggressive. We could opt to do chemo/radiation and prolong his life by 1-6 months maximum, not knowing the quality of life he would have after surgery/during treatment or we could make the call. How could this happen? His last well-check was August 9th. He got a clean bill of health. The vet explained there would be no way to detect unless an ultrasound was done. Many times the cancer goes undetected until it's too late. I suppose just like in humans. I often think back and wonder if I missed any signs. 

We made the decision to let our sweet Buddy go to sleep and feel better. He was 13 years old. He lived the best life a dog could ever wish for and we had the best dog a family could ever wish for. One in a million. I went to pick the girls up and they asked about Buddy all the way home, but wouldn't tell them anything until Blake was with us. When we did tell them they cried and cried and cried. 

Our hearts still hurt daily and the emptiness is so great.